Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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