somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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