I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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