Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
