just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
