One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
