Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
