she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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