Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
