Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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