some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
