what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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