sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
