Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
where are you?
Hypothermia
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
