I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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