scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
