What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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