I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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