Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
