I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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