She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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