oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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