Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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