I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
