I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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