When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize