All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
