Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
