You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
