you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
