I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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