she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
