thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
