That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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