Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
