i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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