Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
