The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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