new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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