do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could make wine with my vomit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
