he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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