Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
