2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sober January is a disaster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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