Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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