Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize