I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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