No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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