i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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