my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
