508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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