Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
