just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
