i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
