WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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