Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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