My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
