I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
