I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
