I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
