I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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