walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This baby is an asshole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
