I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
