Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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