he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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