i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
