I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
