Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
