Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
