Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize