i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
