So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
