Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
