bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
