It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
