so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
