I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
