Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
