So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
