When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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