you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
