we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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