i wish my penis had a tongue
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am available for nakedness
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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