is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize