She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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