that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
