i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
