Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
