My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
