capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
