You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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