my vag is so smooth its legendary
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
