you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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