porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
