Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
