isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
