Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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